Happy Valentines Day!!!
Love is in the air as we are standing mid February. Love it is… but I haven’t said it before and I know I am not brave enough to say it loud to those who matter the most. So here I am saying it on a forum where I know it would not be seen by those, to whom its said.
I remember ’97 when DTPH had released and it gave that purnima chhap Indian touch to V-day. Maa hated the westernization and so she hated V-day idea too. Then a couple of years later when our relation was on an all time low…she wished me early morning on 14th and I could not even bring myself to say same to you. That hug that I couldn’t accept and return said it all. Today when I look back, I wonder if all those fights were really worth of growing up! Today I call her every year to wish on V-day (and yes Mother’s day too). She calls me when she is scared of telling anything to pa, she confides in me, she shares her joy and my pain. If I don’t talk to her in a week I really do feel that something is missing. And then, I wonder how I used to survive those months, under the same roof, when she didn’t talk to me. Guess we are both grown ups now…so yes Maa wish you a very happy Valentine’s day. I Wish I could return that hug, I try these days if you have noticed. Now that I know that if I would have had accepted your wish and hug that day, may be I would have learnt a lot of things and would have grew up long back. You have stood by me all theses years inspite of the fact that I never really achieved what you wanted me to. I miss your fanaticism for safayi and I miss your scoldings. Only if I could tell you Maa that I love you.
Just last year, the bricks of my life started falling off and the first person that I called was Pa. Knowing very well that he wasn’t well himself, that he just had a set back and was probably not strong enough. But when I needed something stable in my life I knew I could count on him. At all of 10, I have pa’s memory from the days when I came back to stay with him and knew nothing about him. I was dead scared of him. I used to envy all my friends who used to chit chat with their dad but we never had a dialogue per se. When I was forbidden to go out of house to play, he used to ask me every evening to take a walk. That one line meant more than any full length dialogue if we might have had one. Today I remember all those small gestures like he took me out so that I could meet my guy. He teased me that I din tell him myself about the guy. During
We used to fight every day over remote and a hundred other things that I don’t even remember now. All I remember that you used to irritate me. I couldn’t stand you in my side of our room. I hated playing ‘your’ carom, hated taking ‘your’ cycle to school and hated the fact that it still felt that I was an outsider and was sharing ‘your’ parents. But then I still remember that small piece of paper on my pillow that said ‘sorry’. I still remember that you always equally divided every single chocolate… even when I was not home, you would divide and have my share too. You were my only pillar of strength for as long as I remember. From my ‘jail’ days to my break ups. Your motivational talks when I had result jitters and then it all came true when I did Top. I would never forget those 7 brushes that you bought me to put the colours back in my life. The fact that you waited for me to share the joy of giving you first salary gift to ‘our’ parents makes me feel special beyond words. I wish I could say that it was fun growing up with you… lets face it growing up was no fun but I couldn’t have asked for a better brother, friend and my guardian angel. When I say that nothing I say would be enough, I truly mean it. Have I told you enough kiddo that I love you!!
p.s. :: This is the only full family photo I have on my system :(
Sorry kiddo i couldn't do better than this at photoshop in such a short time
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