Orbits

Version:: Earth

To Venus,

A secret which was suppose to die with me. A secret, I told you not to tell anyone. I knew you would not listen to me. I have known you all my life and I know you would deny the very existence of that secret now. I was desperate that just this time you do listen to me. But you did not. Venus, you have always had an authority over me. Always have been the one taking decision, influencing my course of rotation. You were the brightest star on my sky. Always the one, who heard my problems and gave me solution. How was it that I was listening to you this time? I was in no position to give you any solution. I never in my wildest dreams had seen this coming. I was in shock, in denial, in exile.

I was suffering as much as you did. I wasn’t just suffering your pain; I had a burden on my shoulder. I knew I should just erase it off my mind. I knew if I can just shut it off in some corner of my mind, everything will be normal. I cursed you the day you told it to Mars. I knew Mars but then he was the red star which defined unseen alien. I wanted to know the real him, I wanted to prove my own perceptions about him wrong. Yes all this while I was talking to him too. I knew his side of the story. I was keeping him in denial too. Every time he showed a little sign of foresight I eclipsed you from his sight. I never told him that his biggest fear had actually come true. I don’t know how but he had seen it coming. He wasn’t shocked like me. He asked me questions I could not answer. He poked me, scrapped my soul. I still couldn’t tell him what he wanted me to say.

I wanted to talk to you. But you were not there. I could not reach you. I had a hundred sleepless nights when everything would replay in mind over and over in slow motion. Sometimes my nightmares would tire me so much that I would stay away all night hoping that you would be visible just before the dawn.

You did not. He did. I knew he was suffering, I was and so were you. I cried with him. I wanted to cry for you but you were suddenly on the other side of the orbit. We were distant and as sun had eclipsed you, I could not see you. Nights after nights I hoped you’ll shine on my sky but you did not. I wanted you to know that I haven’t betrayed you. I had told him only what you had already. I had asked you to keep everything to yourself remember? No Mars can take honest Venus. I had told you that remember?

I had not a soul with me. Nobody knew what I was going through. I still am. Every time I see you, every time I see him, I know I have failed you both. I was the only one you both confided in and I couldn’t fix it. I completed one full circle on my orbit, all alone and now that you both have left me behind, I am not sure if I should thank you both for keeping me out of it. Yes I know it had nothing to do with me, it was your problem and you both need to find the solution. But, now, every time you ask me if my life has found the right axis, I feel so small and earthy. I have failed you both and have failed myself in the process. The only way I can find my orbit is to find you both in the solar system, rotating together around a bigger cause, our sun the very reason of our existence.

Do you both still see the same sun? would you ever let me know if we are still in the same solar system or we have lost each other forever.

Looking across at my both sides, I wish could find a way to bring a harmony once again. But I am just earth, all I can do is see Mars and Venus at my sides and only wish you find your orbits in sync with each other again and soon.

Mars, you seem red fire ball with aliens again. I have thought of sending "path finder" on your soul but then I am not ready yet. I may not like what I find and I do not seek to find what I do not like.

Venus and Mars,

after all I am only Earth, Humane. You were my stars and would always be. I only wish you both would lit my sky bright, together and help me find my direction in the nights without my moon.