Deal

It was a mixed feeling, anticipation and nervousness bubbling in my stomach. I thought of blaming it on my sleepless night. Well, and what do I blame the sleepless night on? I was coming home. I could see my favourite place in the world, playing hide and seek beneath the clouds.

I signed on the immigration form and restrained myself from drawing a smiley. I had not realized how happy I was to be back. Jobless and yet happy? What am I so happy about? Seeing those friends, I have seen past two years only on facebook or that one person whom I had not seen in almost two years. Only if he was social on networking!! Only if I had one last time to see him, to say my goodbye!

A man who lived by his rules or may be bound by his own rules, so much that his own rules could not let him fit in a person like me. He wasn’t my friend but he was there every single day of my life. He was there to scold me, be angry with me, guide me, and walk with me, sometimes amused with my chirpiness and above all welcoming me in spite of knowing how alien I was in his world.

The airhostess asked me if I needed another cup of coffee. I smiled, nodded yes. Suddenly I was holding another cup of coffee two years ago.

His coffee cup was standing cold and neglected, He was worried. He wouldn’t let me know this but he was. You should have called me. You know the board will question you. Forget about transcript..you could have called me from their office itself!!

I knew it wasn’t anger. It was his helplessness, that was frustrating him. I knew I should have called him. I should have informed him, before signing on the deal. He knew me enough to know that it was inevitable but he could foresee the next board meeting and he knew I was going to be questioned. Forget it lets have a cup of coffee…lets celebrate the deal. We’ll see whatever happens in the meeting.

Another announcement brought me back in present momentarily and I finished my cup of coffee. The song on the in-flight entertainment system was playing distantly in my mind. My mind has teleported to the fateful meeting. I was prepared for every question. I knew I needed board’s consent before signing the deal. But, it was a good deal, actually the best deal till date and I was sure the board would understand my situation. I was sure it would pass. He was worried unnecessarily.

I was never late for the meeting but that day everyone else were early. As I walked in seven pairs of eyes weighed me. I smiled and took my seat. The meeting had just begun with our monthly status report and bamm… the deal!! Yes it was a good deal everyone agreed but I saw the sweat breaking out on his face. I knew he would try to protect me and the voice in my head told me but why? And how long? I had done nothing wrong.

The long impending question was thrown at my face. “You can not sign the deal without the board’s consent. You were aware that you were misusing your position!” Mr Hydes voice showed no sign of emotion as he threw the question on my face.

What!! I was baffled, of all the questions I had prepared for, this wasn’t the one. I was misusing my position? How?? By signing the best deal the company had ever had?

All I could say was “I am aware that I was supposed to have your consent, but look at the figures, don’t you agree with the deal? Trust me there was no time… I tried mailing the new transcript of the agreement before signing but my service was blocked.”

"That’s not the point. It is a good deal but you took decision for the company all by yourself. We are a team Ms Parashar, it’s not your personal company. You can not take personal decisions, good or bad.”

The bitterness was still in the air when he cleared his throat, and all eight pairs of eyes, including mine, turned at him, “I was informed” that’s all he said. Nothing more, nothing less. He was trying to protect me once again.

Everyone was silent. I was looking at my papers, trying to control my impulse. I should have let it pass. Let the question die in the silence. But I just could not. I was being questioned on my integrity. After seven years to this company, thinking of it as my own company from day one and I get to hear that its my ‘personal’ decision. Yes it is. My every decision is personal, because I felt this company was an extension of me.

There were a couple of whispers, but nobody wold speak out.

I looked straight into Mr Hydes and said, “ Mr Arora was  informed only because he chose to. He knew my preparation for this agrrement. He could see a possibility this giant and he can understand the situation I was in. He knows that it was in the interest of the company that I signed the deal without any hesitation. He knows that if I could have I would have waited for your consent”

“What bothers me is how you can not see that? How can it be a personal decision? I have gained no personal benefit from this deal still I am being questioned for what…for being true to the company?”

There was a long unnerving silence before My Hydes spoke, “ you don’t get it do you? You think you are free spirited and can take decisions independently? This is just unprofessional.You took a decision without anybody’s consent and signed with another company. You were supposed to be representing us. Representing the company and then company could have taken a decision. You just signed for us without bothering to take our consent.Tomorrow you would sign another deal without us being aware and then do you expect us to sit and applaud? With Mr CEO’s favouritism towards you who knows one day…”

His anger was very apparent when he cut Mr Hydes in the middle, “what favouritism?” No one spoke. He was questioning his best friend. Someone who had helped him start this company. Suddenly, the air felt so heavy on my shoulder.

I don’t know what has incepted this whole idea of favouritism, but I had heard that many times behind my back. Today it was out in open, on the conference table staring at me. Yes, he did favour me, may be because he could see himself in me. We shared every single idea; every single deal was our triumph. We were not friends, but there was something that had connected us in last seven years. Perhaps we both spoke the same language.

Noone answered his question. No narration of all those stories that were shared at the coffee machine. No one brought the question on the table that how did a girl  get to be in the boards with such less experience in the company. None was spoken still I could see those questions and insecurities clouding their mind. Mr Hydes was quiet too. He was just looking at his friend, his partner in the company from day one.  

I could not see that anymore. “I am resigning from the board and from the company”

He did not even look at me. 

Another board member said, “no you don’t have to. We apologise for the personal comment. All we need is a justification for not informing the board prior to the deal”

Mr Hydes was looking down. He did not say a thing either.

“I know I don’t have to but I do. I can not work like this. I respect the board but I have some self respect too.”

I looked at him across the table, my eyes were a little misty and his indifference left me with a chill when he said “its your personal decision”.

“You’ll have the resignation letter in an hour.” I was speaking to him. Somehow rest of the people had become invisible.

I could not hold my tears any longer and so I had walked out of that meeting. I had paid my dues instead of serving the notice period because I was so disappointed in him. How could he let me go, let me do this. I was angry with him for saying that resignation was my personal decision.

It had taken me three months to get over that episode, find myself a new passion in Paris.

Only when I reached Paris, I had realized my mistake. He wasn’t being indifferent. He wanted me to realize my space. He wanted me to fight for what was right. Resignation was like leaving a war without battle. It had taken me six months to reach to a point when I could see what he had meant. I had disappointed him too!

The announcement said that we had reached the Indira Gandhi International airport.

I was walking towards the luggage claim, switching on my mobile. I called home that I had reached safely and I would call them once I have the local number connected.

I had called him from the local booth at Paris, after eight months of silence. He had immediately recognized my voice. “ Nidhi.. ohh thank God you are okay. You know how worried I was that your phone was not reachable…”

Almost one year, we had been in touch over phone, chat but we had never discussed about the company. The work that had connected us was never a topic of discussion and still there was something that had kept us together. He never was my friend but he was there as always.

I took my bags and started walking towards the exit sign. I was back home after an year and nine months. My phone vibrated as I walked out of the door, I saw his name flashing… I smiled but before I could pick it up, the call got disconnected. I walked ahead and it blinked his name again. I was going to take the call but again ... disconnected. And then, I heard him call out my name, “ Nidhi look up here!!!”

There he was holding a placard that read “Ms Nidhi Parashar”

I could not believe my eyes. He had come all the way to pick me up. “ what are you doing here?”

“you always used to complain that no one ever comes to pick you up at airport with a placrd!!...so here I am.”

“..at 4:30 in the morning… are you mad!” I extended my hand for a handshake but he hugged me tight.

“I couldn’t wait any longer. Welcome back!! You have had enough of your little adventure and drama in life. I’ll drop you off at home after a cup of coffee ofcourse!…sleep tight and meet me tomorrow in our new office. I have some brilliant ideas that you would be thrilled to…”

I was already thrilled!! I was back and this time I knew I belonged here.

We walked towards the coffee day and he was already explaining his new business idea to me. I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm and the ease with which he made me part of his world again.

He wasn’t my friend. He was someone I shared my dreams with.