The Bubble Theory

Self assessments::Random thoughts!!!

Which are not so random. It’s a turmoil, an ongoing discussion in my mind. I wonder what it feels like to be Phoebe and have people talking in her head because I am simply exhausted listening to my voice, my own flood of thoughts.

Being Aries can be curse at times when you let someone enter your world. OK!! lets not generalize a sun sign and I should speak for myself.

I had read long back in Linda Goodman’s book that Aries live in their own world. They are just happy and always occupied with their own little things. Obsessed with their hair and always find something so interesting in their nails that the rest of world, standing right in front of their eyes just vanishes.

I feel, I live in a bubble and I am very happy and eager to meet people only until, they don’t try to burst my bubble. It’s very rare that I let anyone enter my bubble but since the bubble I live in is so transparent people don’t really realize that there is anything keeping me shielded. So, those I interact with everyday just assume that what they see is real me. But the fact is even I don’t know the real me and sometimes I wonder who are these people who are so sure of what they are and how they feel. Most of the times I really don’t know what I feel!! If I am sad I am sad and I don’t know why something so silly has affected me. When I am happy there is this music in my bubble and I am just amused. People looking from outside find it funny that I am happy for no reason at all but what they don’t know is that I have another world inside that bubble that they can’t see. A world of my own, world of my dreams, my thoughts, my ideas and mostly the memories I cherish.

My problem starts when I let someone enter the bubble and I don’t know what to do with him/her. It’s even worse if that person has no idea that he has entered my bubble. Its conflicting cause being in the same bubble I want to share everything, after all I am suppose to be a great host. But since he is unaware of the whole bubble thing he just doesn't see my world. Its disappointing and again taking from Linda Goodman, being an Aries, I do behave like a small child… who has been devoid of attention. So I do everything in my hand to gain that attentionback. I do some funny things, some smart things, things to show that hey I am growing up can’t you see that? If all of this doesn’t work then I feel angry and then even if that is not noticed… I cry. Then again, remember I am a baby and I am not suppose to cry for long coz just like a baby I would burn my hands again and again until I grow up and realize that touching the flame does no good.

So how long am I going to cry to get the attention? Until I get what I want or simply start ignoring him/her and look around searching for someone i can count on. Ignoring me is the last thing i expect from anyone. Just acknowledge my presence and i am game for almost anything. But there is this twist in the tale, its very rare that i would come and tell you that you are one of the few lucky ones, who is part of my bubble. you just have to keep looking for the sign i drop here and there. Trust me! i expect you to notice those signs.

All my life I had a silent companion at the edge of my bubble. I don’t know if he is inside but I know for sure he is around. He is there listening to my cribbing, making sure that I know of my short comings, sometimes proud of my little sweet achievements and sometimes just smiling knowingly at my attention seeking tantrums. Trying his best that I do not let undeserving people enter into my bubble and at times even trying to protect my bubble from unwelcoming intruders. My kid brother who stands beside me all grown up, guides me like an elder brother and is a friend I see in none else.

PS:: I had written this piece about a month back when my friends were dissecting me right in front of me and i was pushed to analyse myself. Even some 'strangers' were reporting my quirky traits. They claim to know me better than i know myself so i thought lets give it a try to find what really makes me Me!! After writing this i buzzed my bro with "can i miss you?' and he replied ":P yes you can but then it depends why?"

Its an honest analysis.Just another fact that i really am a bit self obsessed...who else analyses herself just for fun!!!