Rain

It was raining, in her heart, in her mind and outside. She was standing at the doorstep of her balcony, as the tiny droplets carried itself with air and brushed against her cheeks. I need to call someone. I need to speak to someone. She started going through the phonebook in her mobile. Should I call Alya? Its Saturday, she must be out with her boyfriend. Fida must be running behind her toddler, she would get worried. I shouldn’t call home. Thank god I am not at home. I don’t know how I would have reacted if I were at home with mum’s poking eyes trying to reach the deepest of my mind. There is no one I can call?

“Yeah, I’ll be with you in two minutes” she replied back at the top of her voice.

Her friends were watching the match. She is not the kind of person to leave a crucial match and let her coffee stand cold on the table. Something was bothering her. There was a distant sadness on her face and an effort, to look cheerful when she smiled. She was humming a song, not because she was happy but because she was so lost in her thoughts that she did not even realize it.

“Hey what are you doing out here? Come see the match. We are thrashing Pakistan” Dev came with her mug of coffee. He already knew she would not come inside. He knew she is thinking something. He had known her for over three years now. She was married to his best friend and they all had become like a family. “What are you thinking? Something is wrong? Jay was saying you have been a little down for coupe of days now.”

“It must be the pressure of world cup!! It’s difficult to win world cup back to back right?” She laughed nervously. She thought she wasn’t giving it away. “I still remember the last time we had won you know. Looks like a distant dream now but when I recall… it’s still so fresh, like it happened just yesterday” She paused giving him a cue to say something but he did not. He was trying to understand if it made any sense. She looked OK; probably a little lost but may be she is lost in her memories.

“Actually I thought of calling home but then just got carried away looking at this beautiful rain. I’ll make a quick call and be back” she smiled warmly trying to assure him.

“Ok don’t take long. You are missing some excitement you know.”

She pretended of calling home, while Dev went back to his comfortable chair in front of TV. He assured her husband, “she is fine, just on the phone”. They squealed as another six was hit.

It was pouring heavily now. There was a flutter of curtain trying to pull her inside the room. She was calmly looking at the rain, walking towards the center of the balcony, unknowingly. Trying to wash off her thoughts, trying to melt in the water and just then, a tiny drop fell from her eyes. The rain was pouring on her, claiming her, not soothingly but harsh and cold. Her mobile was blinking in her hand, somebody was calling her. And, she broke down into irreversible flood of tears, gushing and mixing in the rain. She was craving for a human touch. Somebody to hold her and tell her that life is beautiful if she can just forget that exciting chapter she had. She now had a family, a husband and hundreds of friends. Why did she feel lonely when she had so many people around who genuinely cared for her?

“Does he even remember me now? Did he ever try to reach me? I had made a promise jokingly, that I would make India win 2015 World Cup for him. Would he remember me today…. if we won?” she was whispering to herself.

Four years!!! I have a happy normal marriage. A family, friends but still sometimes I wonder if he would have taken a different decision, how different my life would have been. My life-with him. We were both so similar and so complicated. There were a thousand things, I did not tell him. A thousand unspoken things, I wanted him to understand. I knew I would not break down if he let go off me, but I never told him how scared I was of rejection, a burden to carry all my life? I had loved him but I never fought back to make him understand that he didn’t need to let go. Life is complicated. We all are. I was and I still am. I loved him enough to take him as he was. Today I wonder if he loved me too. If he thought of me … ever.

“OMG!!” she exclaimed, sprang back to present and ran towards the hall, leaving a trail of water on the carpet. “It kicked.. uh.. I mean baby… not it… the baby kicked!!! For the first time!!! Jay it kicked…can you feel it?”

Jay was stunned, trying to feel her wife’s belly. “ huh… why are you wet? You have been crying?”

Dev’s wife hugged her and made a dramatic face. “My God Juhi, I did not know you were so emotion. First kick and you have happy tears all over you. Just wait woman very soon you'll find him kick boxing!!”

Juhi smiled “Damn hormones!!! See what pregnancy has made me? A crying woman!!!”

Jay hugged her and said. “Thank God!! You had to realize someday that you are woman” She retorted “yeah right!!! Now let me go I need to change before baby feels cold”

Yet another six!!!

“You guys know what …treat is on me. Consider this match won. We are going to win this world cup hands down”

It had stopped raining.