Talaash

She was trying to tell me something for a long time. She tried, really hard but she couldn’t. I wish she had said something before she fell silent. I wish she had said anything before running away from me.

I am desperate to tell her that I was listening to all her silly ideas. I never told her that. It has been long since I have heard from her. It has been ages since I have seen her. I try to find her every now and then. When it rains, I look out hoping to see her. I know she loves rain, she hums in the rain. I know she is shying away in some corner. I know if I look out under that shed, in the corner, I may find her squealing with joy, drenched in rain.

I don’t even remember the last time I had heard her laugh. A full throttle, uncontrollable, infectious laugh. She used to laugh with me secretly even in those gloomy days. I wish I had noticed when she just stopped laughing. I don’t even remember what had made her so silent.

I remember those nights, when I used to sit with her looking at the street light!! It had nothing special but I knew it brought a sparkle in her eyes. Those nights; when I had counted stars with her, looks like a galaxy ago. She knew so many stars. She wanted to be one. Suddenly, one day she had no desire left of being one. Of being anything. It was the night, when she stopped dreaming. I wish I remembered that night but I don’t. If I look out of my window to see the street lights again, would I find her there?

She used to hold her breath during sunset. I have seen the change of colours in her eyes, as sun melted at the edge of the river. I have seen her bitter sweet smile, her anticipation of seeing it over and over every evening. She had dreamy eyes with a hundred stories in them. I don’t remember the last time those stories had a happy ending.

She had an eye for trees. They spoke to her. They were different shades of green, orange, blue and purple. They were her moods. They were how she wanted to be; grounded yet free, branching out to reach the sky. The shade was dark, where she hid her secrets, but it soothe her in the heat. Her trees never bore flowers. I wish I had noticed it then. I wish the last time when I saw a tree without leaves; I had known what she wanted to tell me.

I wish I had sensed her good bye. I don’t even remember how far long back she left me. I wish I could see her one last time. Hold her, hug her and plead her to stay with me forever.

I wish I could find her again. The child in me. The little girl, who had dreams and stories, excitements and disappointments. Only to wake up every morning with a new dream and a smile.