Beyond "The End"- Chapter 1

She woke up with a stiff neck from the night long interrupted sleep in the bus. She massaged her neck slightly and tried to understand how far she had reached. She could make out that they were about to enter the town. She checked her mobile and saw four missed calls from her father. She knew he was concerned about her safety but she did not want to call him right away. She sipped a little water and tried to doze off again.

Two hours later, she was at the bus stop with a small piece of paper in her hand. The auto rickshaw drivers were hovering around her. Everyone seemed interested to know where she wants to go. After 20 minutes of discussion, in which she had minimal inputs to give, she decided to give up. She started following the driver who had somehow managed to win this episode of discussion and was walking really fast with her luggage.

She was beginning to like this town. Early morning roads were being cleaned by ladies wearing blue uniform. Few auto rickshaws were rushing towards schools. Trees marked the edges of the road and huge trees were dividers of the road. She liked the green serenity of the city. There were small fields with a carpet of dew laden green grass. In the horizon she could see the silhouette of a plateau.  She saw small food vendors preparing to start their day. She crossed an open market filled with fresh vegetables and enthusiastic crowd. The town was waking up to welcome her.

She rang the bell and waited patiently for the door to open. Her toes were curled in nervousness, but her face showed nothing. The door was opened and a home made fresh south Indian breakfast’s aroma greeted her first. The lady was standing there to greet her with a smile that reminded her of her childhood and misty eyes which brought her to present in the same second. She bent down to touch “Ammu’s feet and was in ammu’s warm hug that told her everything will be fine. As Ammu closed the door behind her and lead her to the guest room she knew finally the doors were opening in her life.

Few hours later….

“…hmmm no no she is fine with this arrangement. She did not say anything”

She waited for her father to go on and tell her that she could not live like this forever. She heard patiently when he told her that she still has time and she can go back to him. “After all he is her father”. If nothing else past one and half year had taught her patience. It had taught her to listen. Listen without disagreement; listen without judging it and listening without answering.

“…hmmm” she said numerous times and finally came a pause at the other end; she realized she was supposed to answer something. “Okay. I think you are right but now that I am here let me just see if it works out after all”. She knew her father would not give up so easily. But he did hang up eventually, for this time.

The Other One- Story One!

And he said “you are special”.

Little did she know that it is going to change her life forever.

5 years later, those words haunt her. Was that a mockery or pre-calculated answer. An easy escape from the torturous questions being thrown by her. She wanted to know if she mattered to him. He said those magical words she wanted to listen. She was expecting a humble yes, but he said something beyond her expectation. He said something extraordinary, something different. It had its own charm on her because it was opposite of what she had always felt about her.

She was the black sheep, the ugly duckling, behan ji, the nerdy friend of the protagonist of the story. Well there was just one problem, there are no protagonists in real life, so technically she was no one; no one that anyone would be interested in knowing. Yet he told her that she was special. He said what he had to, to get to her, to get in her pants and to get away from the inquisitive eyes. What he did not know was, that he was getting into her mind. A place that had no exit.

She let him into her mind and made the biggest mistake of her life. It incepted the idea of love, unconditional, undemanding but destructive love. The core of her heart was infected by the idea of loving him. Believing, that it is the purest, passionate emotion of love. If this isn’t love then nothing else can be defined as love. First time in her life she felt special. She could be what she had always wanted to be. She could smile, feel beautiful and feel confident about her. He wasn’t around much, yet her entire day, days after days were filled with his thoughts. She was in love for both of them. She was playing both parts, buying gifts for herself, pampering herself, thinking that’s what he would do, if he could do. She was living every moment with him, yet without him.

She wasn’t ready when it happened but then she realized that she had been preparing herself for this moment for the past two years. She knew it at some level already. Small things that she had been ignoring all this while, was slowly knocking at her subconscious. He had become a reflection of her consciousness, he was “the one”. She believed it like she believed her next breath. He was the one… she was the one. His special one!

And then it all came crashing on to her.. Her subconscious and conscious shattered. He was cheating all this while. He was cheating for past two years. He wasn’t cheating on her, he was cheating with her. He was married, had a daughter and she wasn’t the one. She was the other one.

Suddenly she was standing on the other side. She was the other woman, probably one among many other women. She felt foolish, she felt disgusted, she felt violated and she had no one else to blame but herself.

She trusted that feeling in her heart, she believed it to be love. As her subconscious was trapped on a "penrose stairs", she was walking, trying to climb up, get out of here, yet she could reach no where. He had infected her mind, deeply and irreversibly.  “If this wasn’t love, nothing can be”. Funny thing about belief is, you cant really undo it. So her whole being slowly turned to someone so different that if the two personalities of hers would have met at some point, they would have come across as a total stranger to each other. She lived under a shadow, an emotionless, worthless woman who had nothing to believe in. He went on with his life. She tried, and yet inside her heart what she once believed kept growing like a cancer. “If that wasn’t love, nothing can be”.

5 years later, she does not even remember his face, his smell, his words, his touch but she remembers what it felt like to be cheated, cheated on and cheated with. She craves to feel what it felt like before, to be loved, to belong, to feel special again but all she can feel is the fear of never coming out of this. Never being able to let go, get over this as his devious creepy laugh is still piercing what’s left of her heart.  His laughter echoes in her mind and reminds her every day “if that wasn’t love, nothing can ever be”. She looks in the mirror and sees those lost eyes. She wasn’t special, she was just available. She wasn’t the one, she was “The other one”!!