I had walked those paths a thousand times. So what was it that felt different today? Today somehow it felt like i have completed a full circle, small yet, a full circle. As i climbed on the pavement, a brush of air greeted me. Yes, it recognised me. Nobody asked my identity, as if i really belonged there. I closed my eyes and breathed in the air that felt like home.
As I walked on, washed in the dull yellow street light, i remembered all those evenings when it did not feel so dull somehow, coz back then there were so many faces that used to greet me, knew me, today i was alone. I saw the hospital’s clumsy dark emergency entry and i could almost see in 3D, us three, sitting there. Those gossips and bitching. I had not known before, that guys are great at bitching too. Those giggles and comments on whoever would pass by... and then i saw myself passing by, wondering what would have i commented on myself! Shift to another folder in my memory, and i saw myself sitting with him, that once, when i had met him for the first time. Happy memories disappeared as i came back to today and walked ahead. Yes i have come a long way in these 5 years and have really grown up to be a different person. Those happy memories did not bring pain and tears as i had expected but a smile of content that those so many moments I had lived, are still with me.
As i walked ahead and reached the circle, the stairs stared at me. Almost complaining- “look you have deserted me!!” The street light was mellowed by the huge tree that I don’t remember from ‘my days’. It did not recognize me either. It questioned my identity. Standing near the stairs, I looked around almost expecting the guard and his whistle but he was no where to be found. The place looked really dull today but I could see all of us, our chatter, our panchayati, gal problems, guys problem.. and those curses, some learnt some invented.
I moved on, saw those bikes… group of guys, chatting, fagging and I suddenly felt so out of place. Just then I heard myself “abe chai kaun kaun pi raha hai?koi ja k order karoge?” and the smile was back on my face. That 2Rs tea around that circle, those whistle, just when the gates were about to be closed, meant more than sipping cappuccino at CCD. I walked inside the Food court and looked in front, the Veg vendor was closed. You don’t need to fight for chairs in the food court anymore? Not even inside? Half of the tube lights were off and the silence was unnerving.
Came back to the Stairs…apna adda, out marked space!!! Fighting with self, I sat down eventually. Yes I could feel all of you around me. Ankita smiling at me, Neha holding my hand, Raga hugged me, Ekta was concerned, Mishu said “ patient to hum the na?”, Shrawni’s mad laugh, Geetika’s electrifying smile, Chetan and his stupid dance, Arup was learning how to be Ross, TD and his “chhor na”, Richu’s shahi lacknawi hindi, Jigyasa and her naughty stare, Samir ka “kaisa laga?”, Nikhil “Bing”, Sanjeet and his Dhoni stories, Mrinal scared of walking behind galz when I whistled and they thought its him, Golu-my all time partner for black current softy… Debo and Shweta upgrading my “Basics”, That was me…that was Ramaiah.
I know I would never ever see you all together again. But there in that moment I had all of you with me…Ramaiah is nothing without you all. Miss you all and would give anything to see us together again…One day.
Dated: 29th Nov 2010.
